A friend of mine sent me this funny email. 'course it's about Brokeback Mountain ;)

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It's difficult to believe, but 2 years ago Brokeback Mountain was being filmed just around my city!

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Someone on wranglers provided a link to dl the entire BBM soundtrack from the film. I am so glad Gustavo won the Oscar for his score :)

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He is 27 today! Just a pup! I remember 27, I was pregnant then!

I bought BBM DVD today too! There are a few extras: Logo special on BBM, a 5 min blurb on 'cowboy' school. I am currently watching the movie with the close captioning on. I am picking up some of the dialogue I missed. And YES Ennis does say "I'm sorry" in the second tent scene before Jack says "It's alright" twice :) I heard it in the theatre!!

I will watch the rest later as I have to pick up my income tax stuff

I can not believe that my obsession with BBM continues! It has been more than 6 months that BBM has been a huge distraction in my life. Thank goodness for it, because my life has sucked supremely in the last 6 months...

Let's recap:

I have lost two friends in that time. One my best friend for the past 9 years. He knew everything about me and never judged me. He pulled away in October. Coincidently right after that I sunk deep into BBM, totally identifying with Ennis. The other friend I have known on and off for 16 years. She stopped talking to me. I have called many times, left messages, sent a Christmas card... and nothing from her. I have no idea why she pulled away. Anyway, I try not too, but I do take these endings somewhat personally!

I have not had a date in, gee, 6 months (nor any sex!!!!!!!).

Professionally, my career provides me with many, many challenges. I find the work draining. The rewards are few and far between. But when things 'click', there is a great feeling of flow and satisfaction. Like joy, I look forward to those moments!

Back to BBM: I have seen it 7 times in the theatre. I own the soundtrack, the book, the screenplay, the theatrical poster, and a mini poster. I have bought numerous magazines featuring BBM stories. Heath and Jake are now my favourite actors!! And I 'know' they have a secret love for each other that goes on ;) tee hee (Ok my fantasy slipped in there ;))

TOMORROW I BUY THE DVD!!!!!!

Last night I went to see BBM for my FIFTH time!! I saw it at the best theatre again (where I saw it three times now). This theatre is in downtown, not suburbs, where a more liberal audience would go.

It was amazing to see it again. I teared up (ok sobbed a bit) with the last scene between Jack and Ennis, especially when it goes to the flashback. That scene is so powerful (crying right now).

The second tent was still incredibly hot. And I actually heard Jack say "I'm sorry", "It's alright, it's alright". Saw the saliva between them after the kiss. And when Jack is on top of Ennis, it looked like they were into some deep heavy kissing, tongues happening. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I am curious that people haven't commented on when Ennis talks to Jack about feeling 'watched' by the townspeople. To me that seems telling that he feels different (ie gay??) from others.

There are so many scenes that require further viewings, its such a rich film. I can hardly wait until the DVD comes out :)

Last night I saw "Capote" with one of my adolescent daughters (the other one was working).

I wanted to observe Philip Seymour Hoffman's characterization of Capote to see what all the fuss has been about :) Well, he was brilliant. He was verbose and showy, quite the flambouyant character I thought Capote was. But there was this dark side, ruthless and manipulative, that struck me. Tragic really, because that ate him alive (actually he drown himself in alcohol for his escape).

Hoffman is an amazing actor. He totally absorbed himself in Capote. The voice and mannerisms were haunting. He is a wonderful MIMIC. Hoffman researched his role. He did not create Capote.

Which takes me to Ledger's characterization of Ennis. He created Ennis. There was a scant (but soo rich) short story to base his characterization on. Ledger reached deep inside of himself to channel Ennis. Ledger had maybe 10% the lines to say that Hoffman had, but 10 times the nonverbal/emotional communication.

I felt Ennis' pain and loneliness where as I only observed Capote's. I was involved with Ennis, I was detached with Capote.

I enjoyed the film Capote but loved Brokeback Mountain. Capote has left me, Brokeback Mountain resonates inside me still.

I saw it last night for the 4th time. And my viewing experience was not great either. I saw it at a different theatre. They didn't have the film lined up properly with the screen; the film was too low, so you missed what was happening at the bottom of the screen. Like Jack opening the can of beans and spilling them on him. Well 'they' must have noticed, so about 15 minutes in that was adjusted but then some of the heads were cut off the top. I was quite irritated. This caused me to detach from the film. It wasn't until I got home, feeling drained that I let go emotionally and sobbed.

I am feeling 'outta sorts' today. I have vague impressions of dreams from the night. Nothing I can describe, just feelings.

I have been thinking about AU, as I have been reading some of the Jack/Ennis fiction on wranglers. I have a need to completely absorb myself in anything Brokeback, probably not too healthy. Anyway in my AU fantasy when Jack and Ennis have it out for the last time after Jack's I wish I knew how to quit you. Ennis says why don't you let me be, its because of you Jack I am like this- nothing, and nobody. (MY AU)Jack sighs and goes to hug him and says to Ennis lets go somewhere and be somebody. When Ennis is so very vulnerable, Jack is able to reach him. Ennis is able to overcome his fear and realize being with Jack will fill that void he has been in battle with since, well probably before 1963.